#yosick

One of the things that I have struggled with, in recent times, is telling the difference between being content and bottling things up. Granted, my life of late has been pretty fucking easy. So I very well could just be content all of the time. I have also been finding that many things that I have been asking for out of my life (I see it as positive manifestation), I have been receiving. Either way, I have been trying to be a little more diligent at listening to the inner workings of my emotional body. I have deduced that I am pretty fucking terrified of what I am going to do in this society that I deplore. As far as my foreseeable future goes, i.e., the next year or two, I feel pretty beatific at the path that I am following. Past that, I have no clue. I realize that focusing on the future causes unnecessary stress in the present moment; however, I can't help but feel that I need some level of plan, career-wise. My nomadic treeplant-travel-repeat plans have been slightly altered by the whole band situation. It feels like the Universe throwing this last musical opportunity in my face, after I felt like I had sufficiently given up, just to fuck with me, rattle my chain, or give me one more chance to pursue this passion of mine. I really do believe in the band, they've got a great sound with enough uniquity and versatility between songs. My inner(wannabe)nomad, although, is screaming to be noticed. We shall see how it goes, I can't have it all and I need to be fair to these guys. They've got passion x 309489023841, this is definitely 300% what they want, and I respect that. My dad said that when we jam I just radiate, so, I mean, I must be diggin' it pretty hard too. I don't see any reason why I can't travel to a much smaller degree and still to the band.

Man, this seems like a rather gratuitous post.

Oh well, hopefully getting it out here stops the incessant thought-cycles about all of this.

Peace and Love, Namaste, Word, and all that Jazz.

on my mind

First on my post's agenda. Man-hating self-proclaimed "feminists". Now I don't wish to generalize, so I can only talk about the one that I have had a good amount of contact with. I work with this lady and although she seems to be pretty cold to many people, she just seems to deplore all of men. Although I am far from perfect, I have done a rather large amount of work on myself to eradicate possessive and sexist projections and delusions that I have about women. I get rattled and confused when I am still despised, even when I feel that I am being incredibly mature and patient about the situation. Granted, I don't face nearly the same amount of sexism that many women in today's society face. Not nearly enough to warrant any level of complaints. I think the biggest piss off for me is the sheer hypocrisy of a man-hating "feminist". It is completely counterproductive to any healthy agenda that the idea of feminism entails. I think in the first post I said I would write this as if talking to myself instead of a large audience...it seems today I am speaking from a podium to a stadium of people, better keep that ego in check ;)

Let's end on a positive note though, one of the things that I have truly been blessed with since I have been on this path of self-discovery and self-improvement, is all of the great people that seem to appear in my life. Though there is one friend in particular, this is a little weird to post seeing as right now he is the only one who knows about this blog, but it's my really good friend, Jon. Since meeting Jon again at this point in my life I have learned a lot about myself. My entire life I have associated a large amount of trust with sexual activity. Needless to say, I didn't cultivate too many male relationships, and I never really learned how to have a healthy, non-sexual friendship with any female party. I've learned that I don't drop dead when I open up emotionally to somebody. I have also learned that other people have secrets just as dark as mine. This nurturing, safe, and balanced friendship has helped me bring the practice of a healthy friendship into other relationships in my life. i.e. family and other friends. Since I began my self-proclaimed spiritual journey, I have felt previous connections disintegrate as my life's values and motivations veered off in a vastly different direction from many people that I knew. Having somebody in the same spiritual, intellectual, and emotional space that I am in is incredibly valuable to me. So, thank you Jon, I love you man.

P.S. One of the things that I learned in this men's group is that when a person is talking, he must make a conscious effort to not generalize. Instead of saying when you do this he would say when I do this, etc. Anyway, this is helping me a lot. I also think it improves my ability to accept other people have their own way of living life. All that I know about is my own experience.